I’ve followed Julie Montagu for ages on instagram and have always been so inspired by her amazingly positive attitude and outlook on life! When I asked her if she’d like to write a guest post she said she’d love to write about self love, positive affirmations and happiness and I thought that sounded like the best post ever – so here it is!
One of my favourite topics to talk about is self-love… call me crazy but it’s true! Why? Well, for starters it’s so much more fun to love yourself than it is to hate yourself and I know that first hand! After my 4th child was born, I became increasingly miserable and unhappy. I wasn’t happy with my body, with the thoughts in my head and to be honest – I wasn’t happy with my life despite having had 4 healthy children. The stress of being a mother, wife and also holding a job was taking its toll on both the inside and outside of me. I found myself crying all of the time and actually disgusted at myself. A friend of mine saw this (thank goodness for friends, right?!) and took me to a meditation class on Loving Kindness… and well; I left the meditation in tears, but happy tears! It was a wake up call to me to spend MORE time with ME! To do more things for me that make me happy, that make me work on myself and in return, I would become a better mother, wife and friend but perhaps more importantly, I would start to LOVE myself. I always tell me kids now before I leave for a yoga class, meditation class etc. – I’m doing it for me and for you so that I come back home a better mom.
For me, the key is to love yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself. We give so much to others… to your friends, family, partner, co-workers and we can easily forget about us because we are so busy making sure that everyone else is okay. But when you have total self-love and self-acceptance, you will not only radiate inside and out but you will radiate an incredible energy towards others and that will have a wonderful impact on everyone one you come into contact with throughout your day. Here are few questions to ask your self right now.
– When is the last time I did something for me?
– What are the things/hobbies I love to do the most?
– When I do the things I love, how does that make me feel?
– What prevents me from doing them?
– How can I incorporate them more into my every day life starting now?
Because I can guarantee you that if you carve some time out for yourself every day. And I’m talking from 5 minutes a day meditating or grabbing a green juice and sitting somewhere quiet if that’s all you can fit OR taking that yoga class you always wanted to, that workshop on ‘something good for the soul’, preparing a healthy meal by yourself – you get the idea…then you will start to notice something within you shift. The self-loathing is finally and forever being defeated by the self-love.
And this is what happens when you start to really love yourself….
– You appreciate your struggles, learn from them and become more determined to keep moving forward.
– You respect your physical body and love all its imperfections.
– You understand that the past is what’s shaped you and you are thankful for the lessons it has taught you.
– You trust the process of life and honor the journey you are on.
– You allow patience and faith in your dreams, hopes, goals and desires.
– You allow yourself to feel and heal.
Because self-love is the greatest gift you can give yourself each and every day. Learning to have the positive relationship with yourself starts with baby steps – think of it as meeting someone for the first time. It takes a bit of time before you start to feeling comfortable to become your very own best friend.
Step One is about accepting and embracing your feelings because all feelings direct us towards either loving or abandoning ourselves. Try to get out of your head, away from numbing, away from blaming others and just breathe and feel….. ALL of your feelings. A great was to start to feel is to find your favourite place in your home whether that’s a chair, your bed, even your bath and put on a piece of music that is close to your heart. Close your eyes and breathe in for a count of 4 and breathe out for a count of 4. Do this for the entirety of the your chosen piece of music and allow the feelings to come to the surface.
Step Two is about understanding what’s causing your pain. Many of us avoid and protect ourselves against pain by avoiding the feelings. Try to take responsibility for your feelings so that you can open your heart to those feelings. It’s going to be okay, I promise! Think of it as a release. It feels so much better in the long-term than numbing. A pad of paper by the bed is a great way to start. Make a list or just start writing words, pictures, thoughts down that focuses in out what is causing the pain. Is it a person, a situation, something in the past, a worry about the future….. whatever it is – get it down on paper so you can actually see it.
Step Three is to start to understand what you’re thinking or doing that’s causing these feelings. Maybe your lonely or heartbroken which are in turn causing feelings of anxiety, shame, guilt….. But don’t fight the answer. Just allow the answer to come from inside of you. After you’ve written down what it is that’s causing your pain in Step Two, it’s now time to dig a little deeper and list the things you’re doing to yourself that causes the pain within. This one’s a big one because this is where we look at the harm we are doing to ourselves. These actions are what is leading us away from loving ourselves. Ask yourself, do I think about it constantly, am I obsessing about it, is it taking me away from things that I know I love to do, is it affecting my relationships with others? It’s okay if you’ve said yes to these questions – that’s good! You’re learning to understand what’s causing your feelings of pain and hurt towards yourself.
Step Four is to begin to talk about it. Talk about your feelings with yourself or even with a friend. Yes, you’re allowed to talk to yourself – It’s totally fine! Imagine your own self is sitting across from you. Then tell yourself everything! How you feel in Step One, what is causing your pain in Step 2 and what are you thinking/doing to yourself that keeps these feelings of pain alive in Step 3. I urge you to try this one because I’ve found that most people come away with some real clarity by simply tuning into their own self – aka their gut!
Step Five is to take action. Now that you’ve opened up about your feelings, you’ve opened up your pain. And the loving action you take for yourself, in time heals that anxiety, shame or depression. Ask yourself, ‘What can I do today to love myself?’ We all have things we love to do because they make us feel so much better. They help to heal us! List these things – whether it’s yoga, a walk, a bike ride, a green juice, a fitness class, creating a healthy meal, signing up for a cooking course, a meditation course – but whatever it is – make it a regular thing in your week, in your day! Because this is the beginning of learning to love yourself.
And over time, you will find that loving yourself not only improves your relationship with yourself but it improves your health, your wellbeing and your relationships with others.
To get yourself started on a journey to real, authentic self-love, ask yourself this question: What am I going to do today just for ME?
And to end with….. Here a few of my favourite mantras to kick-start your day AND that Self-love.
- I will follow my excitement.
- I deserve love and will not settle for less.
- I have a purpose.
- I am worthy and valuable.
- I am perfectly flawed.
from Deliciously Ella http://deliciouslyella.com/happiness-how-to-turn-self-loathing-into-self-love/
via Free Spiritual Marketing
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